Chapter Zero (Second Draft)

Posted on | Monday, August 16, 2010 | 2 Comments

This is the SECOND DRAFT of my Chapter Zero. This is a MASSIVE change from the first draft, I have added a lot more, and feel like I've solidified the first person narrative. Even parts that existed before have been revised. This was roughly two hours of work, I hope you enjoy reading this; as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter Zero

I found myself looking across my room, across the scattered remains of my past year strewn all over the carpet. Tonight is at this point, the biggest night of my life; but it feels nothing like it. I glanced at the clock, it read about five in the afternoon, and the summer sun was scorching through the bedside window. The summers here were brutal often heating up to desert temperatures, I thanked the heavens that it wasn't humid as well. Soon it'll be dark, and its almost time for me to go; but I definitely am not ready in the least. The night of my middle-school prom, and my girlfriend leaves me.

Well I'm being melodramatic, we didn't break up or anything. I don't have the details but its like a schedule conflict. She and her parents had something planned, How selfish. I guess the main reason I'm so down is that I'm scared I might never see her again.

So here I was sitting in a shirt, tie and vest waiting for the night that would never end while the girl I was supposed to come with was hundreds of miles away. I continued to stare intently at the photos on the ground, willing them to come to life. I didn't really understand what I was doing in my room, I'd much rather be staring at the television watching some cartoons. Beside me my phone flared to life and I glanced at the screen; its time to make my arrival. Honestly, I don't even see the point of leaving my house; but then again a party is a party, and I do not disappoint.

**

We were pulling up to the site of our graduation party, I would of never believed before; and I still don't believe it. It felt so odd, graduating two years earlier than expected and to add onto that, it had nothing to do with being smart. I could hardly believe my luck. Ever since I moved across the city to the (then) new Glenview community, I had been in this private school. A K-12 private lockup, owned by some rich family.

Word is though that the recession smacked that family hard, causing them to lose a lot of investments, a lot of money. So they had to close down the school, they were able to keep the school open until the end of the school year. So I took a deep breath as I took in the surroundings of Crystal Lake Falls as we pulled up.

I stepped out of the car and onto the soft soil overlooking the lake, it was breathtaking. The lake was cradled by the trees and framed by the towering mountains behind, I actually don't care much about that. My eyes glanced over to the large yacht docked at the base of the hill, I was intrigued. Never have been on a boat, now I have to spend a few hours on it; my damn luck.

“Seasick already? Cheer up buddy, the party hasn't even started!” I turned around to see Ethan, my supposed 'best friend' laughing up a storm at my own expense. “Seriously Ben, its not the end of the world if your imaginary girlfriend 'dissapeared' last minute.” Ethan could not contain his laughter in the least.

“One, she's not imaginary and two I don't see you here with a date either buddy.” I found myself laughing as well, why should I sulk all day?

“Like I said, not the end of the world” With that we started our descent to the yacht, as always we were going to arrive fashionably late.

--

Too bad showing up fashionably late to a Yacht Party was a stupid idea, the boat almost left when we got there. Great, that will draw a lot of attention. After a few seconds of banging on the door I could finally hear some footsteps.

“Ben, Ethan... how did you two ever pass?” The attendant who let us in just had to be my favourite professor, Professor Dixon. He seemed appalled that we had even graduated. Ethan was quick to give a response.

“I can't count, and I can't spell my own name. But, I'll tell you what Dix but give me any exam and I'll ace it.” Ethan's response visibly made the professor cringe, his face scrunched up at the casual use of his name.

“Ethan, be that as it may an exam without a name on it has no mark. I also suggest you learn some manners or you'll be getting a lot of mandatory after-school activities.” Dixon was grinding his teeth, placing emphasis on his last statement. He wasn't exactly the person to mess with, but I'm not entirely sure we wanted to know what would happen.

Ethan and I just waltzed past the guy, I really didn't want to have to deal with him anymore. The guy was the source of all my detentions for the past three years, and I had a lot of them. Once out of earshot Ethan decided to talk again.

“Hey dude, did you see that? After-School Activities? I'm telling you the guy's a giant perv.” Ethan seemed genuinely concerned, I couldn't help but laugh.

“Even I don't get how you passed now that I think about it, he's talking about detention get over yourself” I joked around, slapping him in the back in the head as we walked onto the main deck. All I could see was girls and guys from my school socializing all in fancy dress clothes. We were all graduating early but it looked like we were at some after-prom party instead.

“Hey Ben, I see some food I'll catch you later!” I didn't get a word in before Ethan ran off to shove crackers into his mouth. I simply turned around and headed towards where the music was blasting. We were clear into Crystal Lake now and the volume of sound wouldn't disturb anyone except for wildlife. I stared as the sun sank behind the mountains.

The night continued on and the music continued to roar as more and more people began to dance. I'm no dancer, so I stuck with the job of wallpaper. Eventually though I got bored and began to explore the ship.

This ship is huge, I thought to myself as I walked onto the lower deck. The lower deck was similar to an art museum with paintings hanging all around, but no matter how far I walked I couldn't get away from the noise upstairs, so it wasn't long before I found myself outside again.

As I walked outside I found Ethan sitting one of the lifeboats with a stupid grin on his face.

“Hey Ben! Look what I found! We can like go find treasure on this!” He had a wildly stupid grin on his face as he said that. Was he drunk? No, this was a school-sanctioned party; he was probably just acting incredibly stupid again. “Dude! Come help me push this off!”

“Hey dumb-ass did you notice the giant chain and lock? Get the hell out of there!” I gestured to the chain restricting the life-boat's movement.

“You're ruining the party, Ben. You have got to live a little!” He stood up a little shakily as he stepped out of the boat.

“The party is on the upper deck, and seriously... how old are you?” We started towards the stairs.

“About four and a half” I shoved the guy into the wall and continued up the stairs, laughing the entire time. I called back to Ethan. “Did you get into Central? You never told me.”

“Yeah, my mom took care of that. Public school shouldn't be so different right?

“Well, we're starting Sophomore year. Its not like we're freshmen or anything; its like transferring schools.” We reached the dance floor again, the sound of slow music filled the air as the couples began to move in time. “I don't know about you man, but I can't dance at all; I'm sitting out.”

Ethan stared at the couples holding eachother, then turned and looked at me. “Want to go set off the sprinklers?”

This night was going to be pretty damn fun after all.

**

“I want this, this and this, oh and I'll definitely need this” I was out with my mom and brother, picking up school supplies. Last minute, as usual for Richards family. With me I had a horde of pencils, binders and notebooks. All things that I would end up losing in a few weeks anyways.

“No, too expensive and that whiteboard-thing on the front of the binder is a waste of money” My mother said offhandedly, evidently bored. I can see her point, the erasable board on front of the binder was a little pointless; it would just end up with a bunch of phallic objects drawn on it anyways. By others obviously, not me.

“I'm bored, can we leave yet?” My brother, is as plain as can be; he is simply described as wallpaper. He really doesn't say much and when he does it just shows how bored he is. “Ben, you don't need any of that you have it all.”

“I most definitely do need all of this Noah, who doesn't need a book mark?” I found myself getting irritated at his voice already.

“You! You don't even read!” With that I preceded to grind my fist against his head, intent on making him repeat sixth grade over and over again.

A few minutes later I was back in the car, gushing over all the new things I had gotten. I was excited, not so much about all the supplies that I would lose soon, but about the school day fast approaching. I was truly excited to see Lauren again, turns out it wasn't the end of the world when she had left. She simply helped her mom move to her new home over the summer, and was planning the entire time to come back to go to high school with me. It felt like everything was finally coming together.

“Look! New neighbours!” Noah seemed pretty happy about basically nothing. I honestly didn't care, I didn't need anymore friends. Although it seemed like my other next-door neighbour sure wanted one. I decided to step out and try to avoid any contact with either of my neighbours.

“Ben! You look real nice with those books!” I turned to see Lyndsey waving intently at me with an amused smile. I shot back a venomous look at her and then noticed the kid next to her.

They seemed around the same age, about a year younger than me; but something put me off about that kid Lyndsey was standing next to. I guess he was just a funny looking kid. I ignored them and stomped into the house.

**

I unpacked my shopping bags once I sat on my bed, after setting everything in place I merely glanced over the mess still on the floor. Three months, and I still hadn't cleaned up my mess. I had also just realized I made plans for tomorrow night. I felt very forgetful at that moment. I started to think to myself about the upcoming school year. Even though I was 'technically' a 'sophomore' I felt completely new to the school.

What didn't really help was the school was reputed to be large, and to be honest I don't like large groups of people. It would be a huge shift between private school that's for sure. I began to think of Lauren, I wonder if she's any different now. 3 months of summer can do a lot to a person. Either way I felt happy, and simply couldn't wait to see the look on Ethan's face when he saw my 'imaginary' girlfriend tomorrow.

I stood up and began to pick up the pieces of my past. A new life was starting, it seemed, in a whole new world.

Okay, so my thoughts on the Second Draft Chapter Zero is that it was a thousand times better than the First Draft; and I really see a kindling of some promising writing to follow. I'm not going to lie, I am very excited to write Chapter One and I've never felt that way about anything before. I feel confident that it will only require ONE last revision before the final draft is produced.

Tell me what you guys think! Be specific, concise. Feel free to talk to me DIRECTLY. The story is still a work in progress, and is in no way complete. Tell me WHAT YOU LIKE and what you DON'T LIKE. Discuss it with me, I really enjoy the input you guys give me. I've only put out one chapter, and already I feel so happy. So accomplished. Thank you guys.

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