Chapter Zero (First Draft)

Posted on | Friday, August 13, 2010 | 1 Comment

The following is a first draft of my prologue to my story. Honestly the entire concept was thought up out of nowhere and I just had to write it down. Tell me what you guys think, I'll put what I think after the text. Without any further ado, allow me to present you...

Chapter Zero

I remember looking across my room, across the scattered remains of my past year strewn all over the carpet. I remember that night all too well, I was angry, far too angry. Then again I am just an ordinary teenager, and who hasn't had a time in their life when they're angry at everything? They call it teenage angst, pretty good excuse for everything and anything. I however was an emotional train-wreck, crying my eyes out one second and spouting in a fit of rage the next; the room was plenty of evidence. It was the night of my middle-school prom, and my girlfriend had left me.

Well I'm being melodramatic, she didn't actually leave me it was simply a conflict beyond any control. Allow me to spin a tale if I may: A long time ago Meredith and Austen Kingsley had a girl named Lauren, my girlfriend. A few years later they were happily married, but about ten years later decided to have a conflict of interest an a divorce settlement planned out right on the biggest night of my life. How selfish.

So here I was sitting in a shirt, tie and vest waiting for the night that would never end while the girl I was supposed to come with was hundreds of miles away. Woe is me and the world around me, I continued to sulk long into the day. Finally I dragged myself out; I still had friends after all.

**

Hi there I'm Ben, Ben Richards. I'm the guy who three months ago was in his room crying about something completely trivial as a Middle-School Prom. After that night thanks to the help of my buds I realized that I still had three years of High School ahead of me. People rave about the time they spend in high school and to be honest I was more than a little curious.


I looked across my room, across the scattered remains of the past strewn all over the carpet. I began to smile, I felt like a babysitter remembering the times when they used to act to ridiculously. Good thoughts and expectations of the new year flowed into my head, after all the first day of high school was tomorrow. I chuckled at my astounding capacity for procrastination; three months to clean something up I amaze myself. I smiled as I began to pick up the pieces of the past.

**

I want this, this and this, oh and I'll definitely need this”

School shopping, just the way the Richards do it. Last minute. I was standing in the supplies store with my brother and my mom, continuously arguing why I needed this or that. I don't know why but I always get more excited for classes the more I buy.

No, too expensive and that whiteboard-thing on the front of the binder is a waste of money”

Mother, mother. She was always like this, cheap. Although, aren't all parents? However I can see her point, the erasable board on front of the binder was a little pointless; it would just end up with a bunch of phallic objects drawn on it anyways. By others obviously, not me.

I'm bored, can we leave yet?”

My brother, is as plain as can be; he is simply described as wallpaper. He really doesn't say much and when he does it just shows how bored he is.

A few minutes later I was back in the car, gushing over all the new things I had gotten. I was excited, not so much about all the supplies that I would lose soon, but about the school day fast approaching. I was truly excited to see Lauren again, turns out it wasn't the end of the world when she had left. She simply helped her mom move to her new home over the summer, and was planning the entire time to come back to go to high school with me. It felt like everything was finally coming together.

Call me a pessimist, but I feel uneasy.

*CHAPTER END*

My own thoughts on this chapter is that, I like the direction its going in but I feel as though its unfinished, but I'm at a loss as to where. First of all I made up Ben's last name in about two seconds, and I really don't like it. I wanted to joke about him having to first names, but honestly its not a keeper (I think). I basically just used Ashleigh's last name for her family, but I think Lauren Kingsley has a ring to it.

So I hope someone reads this quickly with a critical eye and give me some suggestions, preferably about the chapter, I don't want to hear how you hate Ben and you want him to be mugged. Tell me about anything, be vicious but be careful. I'm sensitive.

Comments

One Response to “Chapter Zero (First Draft)”

  1. Ryan
    August 14, 2010 at 9:36 AM

    Well the introduction is bleak, as I was reading I though "he isn't going to start talking about how he should of done this but didn't is he?" I would try to avoid that man. Also I think that if you haven't you should come up with a message to your story. Like you want to leave a positive mark on the reader or leave them thinking "Damn, what a whiny bitch".

    I don't know about they way you introduced yourself there, it sounded corny. You probably plan on fixing it. If your going to include conversations between people in your story, then that might be a good way to introduce yourself by having someone say your name in a conversation.

    Okay, idea. You you introduce yourself with a conversation with your mom and brother before you go back to school shopping, then write about the shopping experience.

    Also, this chapter is extremely short, I'm coming from a point of view that you want to write some hot teen sensation novel, where girls will all be reading your book and wishing their boyfriends were like you? eh.

    Well there's my thought about it. You need a shot of Gonzo in there as I was telling you the other day. Good luck.

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