Chapter One (First Draft)

Posted on | Wednesday, August 18, 2010 | 1 Comment

This is the First Draft of Chapter One. It is nearly twice as long as the first chapter, so be mindful it is a fairly long read. If you get bored, jot down where you got bored and how I can fix it. Without any further comments, enjoy your read as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter One

My school day began as usual, me not wanting to get up. The end of summer grogginess attacked me with full force, honestly waking up at 7am was not my forte. Except that I turned over and it wasn't 7am. It was 8. I leaped out of bed nearly giving myself whiplash, my eyes blinded by the ensuing head-rush. Oh my god. First day of school and I woke up only ten minutes before I had to go.

I ran around the room collecting everything that I need, shoving it all into my new messenger bag which I had failed to prepare the previous night. No time for a shower or any of that hygiene stuff, I bolted out of my room. Why hadn't anyone waken me up? I would have to run for the bus at this rate, remembering the way using muscle-memory I continued to try to fit everything inside of my bag. I almost fell down the stairs.

“Ben, what are you running around for?” My mom stood at the base of the stairs looking at me as if I'd gone mad.

“I'm going to be late! Where's my breakfast?” I hardly had any breath left for speaking of any kind, if I didn't get food soon; forget school, I'd be passed out on the floor.

“Its on the table, I also made you your lunch its the bag on the counter,” She said this all while smiling. My mom doesn't smile, I was confused. Seeing the look on my face she quickly added. “Oh I also changed the time on your alarm clock an hour later so you would get up on time.”

I nearly dropped on the floor.

“Fine.” I said, dropping my bag on the floor and heading towards the food. I can't believe I'd been tricked like that, now I would actually have to shower.

**

“Dude, these seats are coming apart and there's graffiti everywhere. Are the drivers sleeping or something?” Ethan seemed quite into the general disrepair of the school bus we were on. “Look at this! No seatbelts! What the hell?”

I have to say that I was sort of intrigued as well, it was natural that the public school buses would be less than what our well-funded school had; but I didn't know it would be this bad. The seats where torn at its blue vinyl coverings, what wasn't torn had writing and drawings all over it. There where burn marks in random places on the bus, and the back smelt something fierce.

“You're right, well its what we have to deal with until one of us gets a car,” I said to Ethan, who was still toying with the seat in front of him.

“Yeah, it'll be me first obviously young one.” He said, not even turning to face me as he said it. “I'm the one who can actually already drive.”

“Hey! I learned how to drive already over the summer, in five months I'll get my license and run you over” I said matter-of-factly.

“Not well you can't, I'm telling you man respect your elders.”

“You act like you're four”

“Four and a half”

“Whatever dude” I turned to stare out the window, judging from everyone I've ever met I doubt there is anyone who is actually friendly in the morning. Especially a Friday morning you had to go to school on. A few moments later the bus roared to a stop and the doors creaked open.

“This place looks HUGE” I said stepping off the bus.

“That's what--”

“I'll cut off your tongue” I interrupted Ethan, before he could say anything else stupid. “Lets just get to orientation”

Ethan burst out laughing.

“What?” I stopped, dumbfounded at how random Ethan was. He just kept walking into the school, following the signs to the gym.

The gym was large and already had hundreds of students inside of it. It was kind of hard not to think of myself as a new kid with the hundreds of other students around. In front of us were two giant bleachers where everyone was congregating. We started towards the nearest empty seats, determined to not have to stand through the entire ordeal.

“Ben? Is that you?” A light voice floated from somewhere behind us, turning around I saw Lauren running up and waving. “Hey! Good to see you again! You've grown a lot in three months”

“Uh, you too.” Damn I'm awkward. If there's one thing every teenager hates, its awkward. True enough through I pushed a few inches over the summer, no longer the tiny kid everyone used to know. At the rate I was growing I had dreams of actually being taller than Ethan.

Speaking of which, I turned to see his reaction only to find that he had turned bright red and pale white at the same time. If that made any sense.

“Uh, this is Ethan by the way he's what you'd call my 'best' friend.” The guy resembled a walking cartoon at the moment, looking completely dumbfounded.

“So... Lauren was it? How do you two know eachother?” Ethan managed to pick his jaw up off the floor long enough to stammer out a sentence.

“We've known each-other since we were kids!” Lauren smiled brilliantly, tilting her head to look at me she continued. “He's what you'd call my 'boy'-friend?”

“WHAT?” You could hear Ethan's jaw smash the ground again. People looked around at the source of the yelling. Ethan however quickly calmed himself. “Yeah, uh lets get a seat.”

So we started walking towards the bleachers. That was weird. In a way I couldn't describe, the conversation was more than just awkward... it was weird. Its probably just some jitters from finally seeing Lauren after so long. We sat down and faced the principal, but I still couldn't shake that weird feeling.

**

The orientation was beyond boring. I spent more time looking at Lauren than I did at the dwarf of a principal. His name was Mr. Villager, in a way the name suited his... stature.

Lauren however was much more enjoyable to stare at, creepy as it may have been. She had changed, and I marvelled at how gorgeous she had become. She was now actually shorter than me, so I'd have to say that was pretty enjoyable too. Her ash-brown hair had grown longer framing her grey-blue eyes much better than before. It was hard to say what really changed, she just looked different.

Ethan on the other hand didn't change very much over the summer, he was older than me by months and because of that already smashed through his growth spurt. He was several inches taller than me, and looked like he was at least four years my senior. Of course he's still as rash as a bull and as immature as a four year old; sorry four-and-a-half year old.

“Who's your guys' TA?” Lauren asked as we left the gym. “Mine's Petrov, west wing 220”

I stared down at the paper I had received during orientation and searched for the Teacher Advisor's name for my homeroom. “Skarovsky, west wing 172”

“I can't find my name!” Ethan scratched his head in puzzlement.

“Its organized by last name you know, wow you weren't kidding when you didn't know your name” I pointed out the name on the sheet and laughed. “Watson, east wing 270”

“Whatever” Ethan crossed his arms and walked towards east wing. Lauren's tinkling laugh filled the air as he left.

“Guess I'd better go, my class is upstairs” Lauren turned towards the stairs, her eyes distant. “See you tonight!”

I smiled, shrugged and started walking towards my own classroom.

**

I found a seat amongst many other chatting teenagers, none of which I recognized. The teacher walked in looking quite dishevelled. He had a lab coat on, and the messiest rat's nest of hair you'll ever see on anyone. If appearances dictated the personality, I'd say this guy was the epitome of nervous, hard-working (and slightly insane) scientists.

I instantly vouched for the insanity when he started to speak about Quantum Physics out of nowhere. As if a miracle occurred, a knock on the door broke Skarovsky from his rant. He hobbled over to the the door, clearly upset he was interrupted.

“Ahem, is this 272?” A squeaky voice answered from the door as it opened. I knew this kid, it was that funny looking guy who lived across from me. My stinking luck indeed.

“No boy, this is 172, please at least try to read the sign.” Skarovsky sure put a lot of emphasis on random words I noticed.

“Oh ah, okay” The boy apologized and lifted his eyes to scan the room. “Hey Ben!”

Everyone turned to look at me, I simply buried my head into my arms. Why me?

**

The sharp sound of the bell cut the man's incessant ranting, now moved on to the evolution of potted plants. I was incredibly relieved for the class to be over, it was like wearing a straightjacket.

“Don't forget your schedules! You will need these for Monday when all of you return” Skarovsky spoke in his heavy irritating accent while he held a pile of coloured papers.

I quickly retrieved my paper and bolted out of the door to find my new locker, and my friends. We were going to hit up a movie and grab some dinner tonight, should be a blast.

I was surprised to see Lauren waiting for me at my locker, I was even further dumbfounded when I realized she had no way of knowing that it was MY locker.

“Ben! Good that I found you, so about tonight I was thinking since you're bringing along Ethan that I might bring along my friend Janice?”

“Uh yeah sure, last thing I want is for you to get lonely” I said while opening my locker, I then realized I had nothing to put inside so I left and started walking with Lauren.

“Oh, I thought I'd bring her along for Ethan you know, like a double date!”

“What makes you think he can't get his own?”

“Well does he have one?”

“Good point.” With that said we took our seat on the bus.

“Hey, what you guys talking about?” Ethan was apparently sitting next to us, it nearly gave me a heart attack.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Lauren said, I briefly sighed.

**

“So when is this friend of yours going to show?” I asked while we pretended to browse through a clothes store in the mall.

“She says she'll be here in time for the movie” Lauren flipped her hair around her shoulder. “Let's look around a bit, we need to catch up!”

So with that me and oddly Ethan, having gotten over his paralysis basically explained everything that had happened around Grad night. I've never actually seen Ethan talk this much, it was a little unnerving.

We continued to window shop through the mall, they say that when you watch someone shop you see their true interests. Myself, I was just plain interested in shopping; suffice to say I don't really have an identity yet. But I of course was interested in the things most guys are interested in, the sports shops and the game shops. Oddly enough, I pictured Lyndsey in my head as I was mulling over thoughts. She had the same interests as I did, I made it my goal to call her later tonight and make plans.

“He sure has a lot to say,” Lauren turned to me to say after Ethan had strayed to look at some knives at The Knifery.

“You'd never guess it but that guy is into a LOT of things” I watched Ethan as he pressed his face against a display case, staring at the blade inside.

“Is serial killing one of them?” Lauren questioned, looking a little concerned.

“Ah, no.” I scratched my head, “He's as harmless as they come.”

“He doesn't look like it,” She gestured at Ethan, who was now spinning a butterfly knife around in his hand.

“The guy might look like a bouncer, but hes shy. Didn't you notice his reaction when he first saw you?” I began rifling through my wallet, suddenly thirsty. “He seriously seemed like he saw a ghost; did you want a drink?”

“Uh, yeah sure” Lauren's eyes were a bit distant again, but she followed over to the Starbucks to order.

I looked back to see Ethan staring at some other exotic kitchen implements, I would never understand. Collecting my change and capping my drink, I motioned for Lauren to follow as we walked up to Ethan, now toying with some middle-eastern curved blade.

“Hey, watch where you're swinging that thing” I said as I dodged a random swing.

“Sorry about that” He set the blade down, “How much shopkeep?”

“450”

“What? Okay, uh nevermind” Ethan took a step back in shock.

“So, are you a serial killer?” Lauren asked again, unconvinced by my own testimony. Ethan laughed.

“Lauren?” A voice called from behind us.

“Janice! Hey!” Lauren ran towards her dark-haired friend. She was pretty, slender with long legs; I assumed she had to be a model along with the clothes she was wearing.

“So, who are these guys?” Janice asked, looking at Ethan and I.

“This is Ben,” Lauren gestured towards me, “and Ethan.” she pointed at Ethan.

“Ooh, so this is the Ben I've been hearing about; good to meet you both; I'm Janice” She moved her sunglasses up, showing a pair of laughing blue eyes. “So, we should catch that movie now!”

**

“What did you two think of the movie?” It was Janice who asked, I was aback a little by how friendly she was.

“It was cool,” Ethan and I both said. Honestly I thought the movie was kind of boring, it was about a ex-army man looking for his kidnapped daughter, pretty standard stuff.

“Cool,” Lauren and Janice giggled. “Is that all you guys can say?”

“Okay, well I think it was a tale of struggle and survival, one that brought out the true conditions of society and-” I was interrupted mid-sentence from a slap on the back of the head. “What the hell?”

“Stop it Ben, you made your point” Lauren said as she removed her hand from my skull.

“He's hilarious Lauren, where did you find him?” Janice flashed a look at me while she was laughing.

“Knowing him, probably passed out on the roof” Ethan interjected.

“Really? Didn't know you were that kind of person Ben.” Janice said giving me an odd look.

“He's just making stuff up,” I said, a little red from the humiliation. “Anyways we should hurry, reservations are at seven.

We arrived at the restaurant just in time for our reservations. After giving the Hostess my name, we were off to be seated.

“I thought you meant our reservations were for 7pm. I didn't know the restaurant's name was Seven.” Ethan said while rifling through our menus.

“I meant both” Looking up from the menu to face Ethan, I saw Janice looking at me as well with questioning eyes. “Is that too much for your pea-sized brain to handle?”

Ethan just grumbled focusing on the menu. I didn't much like the look Janice kept giving me, its the look you give someone when you're questioning. Was I being judged here? I didn't need to be judged whether or not I was good enough for Lauren. Maybe I was just going insane.

We told the hostess our order and began to chat amongst ourselves. Nothing too big just casual talk, I was relieved. I was thinking it would be awkward again. I hate awkward.

“So Janice, where are you from?” Ethan asked.

“Hm? I live in Los Angeles.” Janice said sipping a glass of water, Ethan nearly choked on his own.

“Los Angeles? What are you doing all the way out here? Its like 3000 miles away!”

“Oh I'm here for a modelling thing, I actually used to live here so its all so nice to be back home.” Janice said, confirming my own inquisition. I could seriously be a private investigator.

“Wow, you must make a pretty comfortable living for a high school student” I said, now a little in awe.

“Yeah, well the money is great but I'm not doing well in school because I keep getting shipped around the continent.”

I turned to gauge Ethan's reaction to her profession, but it turned out he was already in a heated debate about food with Lauren. I let it be and turned my attention back to the girl in front of me.

“So how long has it been since you lived here?” I asked politely.

“Well I moved her from LA when I was starting school, that's how I met Lauren; but I moved back when I finished middle school.” She said, her eyes remembering.

“You met Lauren in DH elementary?” I asked now a little surprised. “I went there too!”

“Really?” She seemed really interested in me now, rubbing her chin she was trying to remember. “Ben, Ben... Were you that guy who kept wetting his pants? The one who moved away in Grade 2?”

“Uh, you must have the wrong guy.” I blushed, she was right of course but who the hell remembers something like that?

“You've grown up a lot!” She caught on from my reaction and started laughing at my expense.

“Hey look food!” I was desperate to change the topic now. The food arrived at the table just in time, food seemed like a pretty good topic.

I found out I was pretty hungry, and because of that tore through the meat like I'd never eat again.

“Hey, I was just wondering Lauren, what's Dawn up to these days?” Janice asked Lauren.

I nearly scoffed up all my food at the sound of that name, out of the corner of my eye I saw something snap in Lauren's eyes. Ethan kept hoarding food.

“I don't know, last I know she was in Maui” Lauren said, a little too bitterly.

“For a modelling gig? She's done pretty good too!” Janice exclaimed, I started choking on my food again; I better stop eating so fast. “Does she go to your school?”

My heart stopped. Dawn? Dawn? The same Dawn I spent my entire childhood with? Its been 8 years, I hardly remember her; but it was all coming back now.

“No, she went to a Private High School, owned by the DH family too.” Lauren said, eyes downcast.

“Wow, really? I don't know how she does it.” Janice said.

“Does what?” I finally stopped eating so I could say something.

“Well, keep up with school! You have to be an honours student to get into DH, and Dawn's a lot prettier than I am she finds a LOT more work too!” Janice seemed pretty into it, I assumed they were best friends before she moved.

Now it was Lauren's turn to cough up a lung, after the ordeal she decided to play with her food instead.

“Also, did you say DH? My parents were going there tomorrow to talk to the Dean!” She seemed excited, way too excited. “Ben, you remember Dawn don't you? Come with! You should all come with!”

“Alright,” Janice's excitement was the kind you couldn't say no to, she was literally bouncing off her seat.

“Sure,” Something was clearly bothering Lauren, I didn't understand.

“What are you guys talking about?” Ethan finally looked up from his finished plate of food, he was so into engorging himself he wasn't even paying attention.

We all laughed the night away.

This is the End of Chapter One. Originally this took me two days to write, I was planning to posting the first half I wrote before the second half, but I decided to just keep the chapter together.

So once again, please tell me how I can make this better. Ernest Hemingway once said "The first draft of anything is shit" and I honestly believe that. So guys, help me make this better. I doubt that it actually needs any more length, any more scenes. So unless you guys really want it, I won't. Tell me how I can make this better.

Thanks! Looking forward to hearing your comments.

Chapter Zero (Second Draft)

Posted on | Monday, August 16, 2010 | 2 Comments

This is the SECOND DRAFT of my Chapter Zero. This is a MASSIVE change from the first draft, I have added a lot more, and feel like I've solidified the first person narrative. Even parts that existed before have been revised. This was roughly two hours of work, I hope you enjoy reading this; as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter Zero

I found myself looking across my room, across the scattered remains of my past year strewn all over the carpet. Tonight is at this point, the biggest night of my life; but it feels nothing like it. I glanced at the clock, it read about five in the afternoon, and the summer sun was scorching through the bedside window. The summers here were brutal often heating up to desert temperatures, I thanked the heavens that it wasn't humid as well. Soon it'll be dark, and its almost time for me to go; but I definitely am not ready in the least. The night of my middle-school prom, and my girlfriend leaves me.

Well I'm being melodramatic, we didn't break up or anything. I don't have the details but its like a schedule conflict. She and her parents had something planned, How selfish. I guess the main reason I'm so down is that I'm scared I might never see her again.

So here I was sitting in a shirt, tie and vest waiting for the night that would never end while the girl I was supposed to come with was hundreds of miles away. I continued to stare intently at the photos on the ground, willing them to come to life. I didn't really understand what I was doing in my room, I'd much rather be staring at the television watching some cartoons. Beside me my phone flared to life and I glanced at the screen; its time to make my arrival. Honestly, I don't even see the point of leaving my house; but then again a party is a party, and I do not disappoint.

**

We were pulling up to the site of our graduation party, I would of never believed before; and I still don't believe it. It felt so odd, graduating two years earlier than expected and to add onto that, it had nothing to do with being smart. I could hardly believe my luck. Ever since I moved across the city to the (then) new Glenview community, I had been in this private school. A K-12 private lockup, owned by some rich family.

Word is though that the recession smacked that family hard, causing them to lose a lot of investments, a lot of money. So they had to close down the school, they were able to keep the school open until the end of the school year. So I took a deep breath as I took in the surroundings of Crystal Lake Falls as we pulled up.

I stepped out of the car and onto the soft soil overlooking the lake, it was breathtaking. The lake was cradled by the trees and framed by the towering mountains behind, I actually don't care much about that. My eyes glanced over to the large yacht docked at the base of the hill, I was intrigued. Never have been on a boat, now I have to spend a few hours on it; my damn luck.

“Seasick already? Cheer up buddy, the party hasn't even started!” I turned around to see Ethan, my supposed 'best friend' laughing up a storm at my own expense. “Seriously Ben, its not the end of the world if your imaginary girlfriend 'dissapeared' last minute.” Ethan could not contain his laughter in the least.

“One, she's not imaginary and two I don't see you here with a date either buddy.” I found myself laughing as well, why should I sulk all day?

“Like I said, not the end of the world” With that we started our descent to the yacht, as always we were going to arrive fashionably late.

--

Too bad showing up fashionably late to a Yacht Party was a stupid idea, the boat almost left when we got there. Great, that will draw a lot of attention. After a few seconds of banging on the door I could finally hear some footsteps.

“Ben, Ethan... how did you two ever pass?” The attendant who let us in just had to be my favourite professor, Professor Dixon. He seemed appalled that we had even graduated. Ethan was quick to give a response.

“I can't count, and I can't spell my own name. But, I'll tell you what Dix but give me any exam and I'll ace it.” Ethan's response visibly made the professor cringe, his face scrunched up at the casual use of his name.

“Ethan, be that as it may an exam without a name on it has no mark. I also suggest you learn some manners or you'll be getting a lot of mandatory after-school activities.” Dixon was grinding his teeth, placing emphasis on his last statement. He wasn't exactly the person to mess with, but I'm not entirely sure we wanted to know what would happen.

Ethan and I just waltzed past the guy, I really didn't want to have to deal with him anymore. The guy was the source of all my detentions for the past three years, and I had a lot of them. Once out of earshot Ethan decided to talk again.

“Hey dude, did you see that? After-School Activities? I'm telling you the guy's a giant perv.” Ethan seemed genuinely concerned, I couldn't help but laugh.

“Even I don't get how you passed now that I think about it, he's talking about detention get over yourself” I joked around, slapping him in the back in the head as we walked onto the main deck. All I could see was girls and guys from my school socializing all in fancy dress clothes. We were all graduating early but it looked like we were at some after-prom party instead.

“Hey Ben, I see some food I'll catch you later!” I didn't get a word in before Ethan ran off to shove crackers into his mouth. I simply turned around and headed towards where the music was blasting. We were clear into Crystal Lake now and the volume of sound wouldn't disturb anyone except for wildlife. I stared as the sun sank behind the mountains.

The night continued on and the music continued to roar as more and more people began to dance. I'm no dancer, so I stuck with the job of wallpaper. Eventually though I got bored and began to explore the ship.

This ship is huge, I thought to myself as I walked onto the lower deck. The lower deck was similar to an art museum with paintings hanging all around, but no matter how far I walked I couldn't get away from the noise upstairs, so it wasn't long before I found myself outside again.

As I walked outside I found Ethan sitting one of the lifeboats with a stupid grin on his face.

“Hey Ben! Look what I found! We can like go find treasure on this!” He had a wildly stupid grin on his face as he said that. Was he drunk? No, this was a school-sanctioned party; he was probably just acting incredibly stupid again. “Dude! Come help me push this off!”

“Hey dumb-ass did you notice the giant chain and lock? Get the hell out of there!” I gestured to the chain restricting the life-boat's movement.

“You're ruining the party, Ben. You have got to live a little!” He stood up a little shakily as he stepped out of the boat.

“The party is on the upper deck, and seriously... how old are you?” We started towards the stairs.

“About four and a half” I shoved the guy into the wall and continued up the stairs, laughing the entire time. I called back to Ethan. “Did you get into Central? You never told me.”

“Yeah, my mom took care of that. Public school shouldn't be so different right?

“Well, we're starting Sophomore year. Its not like we're freshmen or anything; its like transferring schools.” We reached the dance floor again, the sound of slow music filled the air as the couples began to move in time. “I don't know about you man, but I can't dance at all; I'm sitting out.”

Ethan stared at the couples holding eachother, then turned and looked at me. “Want to go set off the sprinklers?”

This night was going to be pretty damn fun after all.

**

“I want this, this and this, oh and I'll definitely need this” I was out with my mom and brother, picking up school supplies. Last minute, as usual for Richards family. With me I had a horde of pencils, binders and notebooks. All things that I would end up losing in a few weeks anyways.

“No, too expensive and that whiteboard-thing on the front of the binder is a waste of money” My mother said offhandedly, evidently bored. I can see her point, the erasable board on front of the binder was a little pointless; it would just end up with a bunch of phallic objects drawn on it anyways. By others obviously, not me.

“I'm bored, can we leave yet?” My brother, is as plain as can be; he is simply described as wallpaper. He really doesn't say much and when he does it just shows how bored he is. “Ben, you don't need any of that you have it all.”

“I most definitely do need all of this Noah, who doesn't need a book mark?” I found myself getting irritated at his voice already.

“You! You don't even read!” With that I preceded to grind my fist against his head, intent on making him repeat sixth grade over and over again.

A few minutes later I was back in the car, gushing over all the new things I had gotten. I was excited, not so much about all the supplies that I would lose soon, but about the school day fast approaching. I was truly excited to see Lauren again, turns out it wasn't the end of the world when she had left. She simply helped her mom move to her new home over the summer, and was planning the entire time to come back to go to high school with me. It felt like everything was finally coming together.

“Look! New neighbours!” Noah seemed pretty happy about basically nothing. I honestly didn't care, I didn't need anymore friends. Although it seemed like my other next-door neighbour sure wanted one. I decided to step out and try to avoid any contact with either of my neighbours.

“Ben! You look real nice with those books!” I turned to see Lyndsey waving intently at me with an amused smile. I shot back a venomous look at her and then noticed the kid next to her.

They seemed around the same age, about a year younger than me; but something put me off about that kid Lyndsey was standing next to. I guess he was just a funny looking kid. I ignored them and stomped into the house.

**

I unpacked my shopping bags once I sat on my bed, after setting everything in place I merely glanced over the mess still on the floor. Three months, and I still hadn't cleaned up my mess. I had also just realized I made plans for tomorrow night. I felt very forgetful at that moment. I started to think to myself about the upcoming school year. Even though I was 'technically' a 'sophomore' I felt completely new to the school.

What didn't really help was the school was reputed to be large, and to be honest I don't like large groups of people. It would be a huge shift between private school that's for sure. I began to think of Lauren, I wonder if she's any different now. 3 months of summer can do a lot to a person. Either way I felt happy, and simply couldn't wait to see the look on Ethan's face when he saw my 'imaginary' girlfriend tomorrow.

I stood up and began to pick up the pieces of my past. A new life was starting, it seemed, in a whole new world.

Okay, so my thoughts on the Second Draft Chapter Zero is that it was a thousand times better than the First Draft; and I really see a kindling of some promising writing to follow. I'm not going to lie, I am very excited to write Chapter One and I've never felt that way about anything before. I feel confident that it will only require ONE last revision before the final draft is produced.

Tell me what you guys think! Be specific, concise. Feel free to talk to me DIRECTLY. The story is still a work in progress, and is in no way complete. Tell me WHAT YOU LIKE and what you DON'T LIKE. Discuss it with me, I really enjoy the input you guys give me. I've only put out one chapter, and already I feel so happy. So accomplished. Thank you guys.

Chapter Zero (First Draft)

Posted on | Friday, August 13, 2010 | 1 Comment

The following is a first draft of my prologue to my story. Honestly the entire concept was thought up out of nowhere and I just had to write it down. Tell me what you guys think, I'll put what I think after the text. Without any further ado, allow me to present you...

Chapter Zero

I remember looking across my room, across the scattered remains of my past year strewn all over the carpet. I remember that night all too well, I was angry, far too angry. Then again I am just an ordinary teenager, and who hasn't had a time in their life when they're angry at everything? They call it teenage angst, pretty good excuse for everything and anything. I however was an emotional train-wreck, crying my eyes out one second and spouting in a fit of rage the next; the room was plenty of evidence. It was the night of my middle-school prom, and my girlfriend had left me.

Well I'm being melodramatic, she didn't actually leave me it was simply a conflict beyond any control. Allow me to spin a tale if I may: A long time ago Meredith and Austen Kingsley had a girl named Lauren, my girlfriend. A few years later they were happily married, but about ten years later decided to have a conflict of interest an a divorce settlement planned out right on the biggest night of my life. How selfish.

So here I was sitting in a shirt, tie and vest waiting for the night that would never end while the girl I was supposed to come with was hundreds of miles away. Woe is me and the world around me, I continued to sulk long into the day. Finally I dragged myself out; I still had friends after all.

**

Hi there I'm Ben, Ben Richards. I'm the guy who three months ago was in his room crying about something completely trivial as a Middle-School Prom. After that night thanks to the help of my buds I realized that I still had three years of High School ahead of me. People rave about the time they spend in high school and to be honest I was more than a little curious.

I looked across my room, across the scattered remains of the past strewn all over the carpet. I began to smile, I felt like a babysitter remembering the times when they used to act to ridiculously. Good thoughts and expectations of the new year flowed into my head, after all the first day of high school was tomorrow. I chuckled at my astounding capacity for procrastination; three months to clean something up I amaze myself. I smiled as I began to pick up the pieces of the past.

**

“I want this, this and this, oh and I'll definitely need this”

School shopping, just the way the Richards do it. Last minute. I was standing in the supplies store with my brother and my mom, continuously arguing why I needed this or that. I don't know why but I always get more excited for classes the more I buy.

“No, too expensive and that whiteboard-thing on the front of the binder is a waste of money”

Mother, mother. She was always like this, cheap. Although, aren't all parents? However I can see her point, the erasable board on front of the binder was a little pointless; it would just end up with a bunch of phallic objects drawn on it anyways. By others obviously, not me.

“I'm bored, can we leave yet?”

My brother, is as plain as can be; he is simply described as wallpaper. He really doesn't say much and when he does it just shows how bored he is.

A few minutes later I was back in the car, gushing over all the new things I had gotten. I was excited, not so much about all the supplies that I would lose soon, but about the school day fast approaching. I was truly excited to see Lauren again, turns out it wasn't the end of the world when she had left. She simply helped her mom move to her new home over the summer, and was planning the entire time to come back to go to high school with me. It felt like everything was finally coming together.

Call me a pessimist, but I feel uneasy.

*CHAPTER END*

My own thoughts on this chapter is that, I like the direction its going in but I feel as though its unfinished, but I'm at a loss as to where. First of all I made up Ben's last name in about two seconds, and I really don't like it. I wanted to joke about him having to first names, but honestly its not a keeper (I think). I basically just used Ashleigh's last name for her family, but I think Lauren Kingsley has a ring to it.

So I hope someone reads this quickly with a critical eye and give me some suggestions, preferably about the chapter, I don't want to hear how you hate Ben and you want him to be mugged. Tell me about anything, be vicious but be careful. I'm sensitive.

Character Biographies

Posted on | Thursday, August 12, 2010 | 1 Comment

Hey all, chances are you got here from my journal blog if you didn't... WOW. Either way this is my new blog (Created August 12th, 2010) for my story... and my music. The only things you need to know about me is, I'm an avid musician and artist. Since writing is considered an art its natural I'd place it here. Take it from a writer that has no experience: anything I post here is only just a first draft, when it is completed I'll compile it and figure out what to do with it then.